娱乐

8个感情杀手,你注意到了吗?

字号+ 来源:普特英语听力网 2017-11-15 17:00 我要评论

当我们谈恋爱的时候,很容易形成一些坏习惯,也就是所谓的“感情杀手”,如果我没有及时意识并改正,这些坏习惯就会毁掉我们的感情。 《赫芬顿邮报》采访了一些心理治疗师、心

当我们谈恋爱的时候,很容易形成一些坏习惯,也就是所谓的“感情杀手”,如果我没有及时意识并改正,这些坏习惯就会毁掉我们的感情。

《赫芬顿邮报》采访了一些心理治疗师、心理学家、教授和情感专家,让他们告诉我们8个杀伤力巨大的感情杀手,看看你也有吗?

Bad habit No. 1: Expecting your partner to read your mind

坏习惯1:期望你的伴侣会“读心术”

“Stop thinking you should get things you want without having to ask. Yes, it’s nice when your spouse anticipates your needs. But none of us is married to a mind reader. Though we have no guarantee that we’ll get everything we ask for, it’s our job to ask. In fact, asking is a sign of strength.” ― Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of It Takes One to Tango

“没有开口要求,你就别指望你会得到你想要的东西。是,你不说ta就能懂你是很好。但我们嫁的都不是读心者。虽然这并不是说只要我们开口要了,就会得到想要的一切,但开口是必须的。事实上,请求也是一种力量。“——Winifred M. Reilly婚姻与家庭治疗专家,Takes One to Tango作者

Bad habit No. 2: Trying to make your partner jealous

坏习惯2:试图让你的另一半吃醋

“Getting married is all about building a secure base for both of you. When you try to make your partner jealous as a punishment or as a way to get their attention, you undermine the security of the relationship. Try talking about your frustration or need to be seen instead of playing this game.” ― Ryan Howes, psychologist

“结婚对彼此来说都是建立一座安全堡垒。当你想通过让你的伴侣来吃醋而惩罚他们,那你就低估了感情的安全性。与其玩这样一个游戏,不然开诚布公的谈谈你的沮丧和需要。”——Ryan Howes,心理学家

Bad habit No. 3: Constantly asking your partner if they love you

坏习惯3:总是问对方爱不爱你

“It cheapens the expression when it’s not given freely and spontaneously. You can say ‘I love you’ and hope he or she says it back. You can say, ‘One reason I love you is ... ’ and hope for some reciprocity. But asking to be told all the time can make you seem insecure (which you probably are, so you might want to examine that). It also pressures your partner in a way that may stifle the genuine moments of wanting to express love. If you have a partner who is a bit miserly with ‘I love yous,’ talk about that, but don’t ask for it.” ― Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology and certified sexologist

“如果这句话不是自愿自发的,那它就失去了原有的意义。你可以说‘我爱你’并希望ta能给你同样的回应,你也可以说‘我爱你的原因之一是......’并期望对方也这么说。但总是这么问对方会让你看起来很没有安全感(很可能你就是,所以你才想通过这种方式来检验)。在某种程度上,这会给你的伴侣施加压力,并扼杀了他们真正想表达爱意的时刻。如果你的伴侣有点吝啬于说‘我爱你’,跟ta谈谈,不要总是问‘你爱我吗?’”——Pepper Schwartz,社会学教授,两性专家

Bad habit No. 4: Getting stuck in a boring routine

坏习惯4:陷入无聊的日常

“You’ve met someone, you’ve dated for a while, maybe you have lived together and now you are planning on marriage. Your idea of fun has become hanging out watching TV, going to the occasional movie and maybe for a wild timet. I interviewed hundreds of long-married people for my book 30 Lessons for Loving, and according to them, that’s not enough. Before you get married, start having adventures. Break up the routine, try adventures where you are forced to step out of your comfort zone. Think a camping or canoe trip, a few weeks on your own in a foreign city, or, even better, a week or two of volunteer service together in a needy locale.” ― Karl Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University

“你遇到了一个人,你们约会、同居、然后打算结婚。你们的约会就变成了逛逛街、看看电视,时不时看个电影或者疯狂一下。我在我的30 Lessons for Loving一书中采访了上百对结婚很久的人,跟据他们的回答来看,这些是远远不够的。在你结婚前就开始冒险吧,打破这些无聊的日常,逼迫自己踏出舒适区。可以考虑去露营或者轻舟旅行,独自一人去陌生的城市待几周,或者,可以去贫困的地区做一两周的志愿者。“——Karl Pillemer,康奈尔大学人类发展学教授

Bad habit No. 5: Playing the blame game

坏习惯5:怪罪游戏

“Some couples are in the habit of blaming each other for their own mistakes, no matter what. Example: ‘You left the water running...’ ‘Oh, that’s because you called me away in the middle of washing my hands.’ This is a toxic habit because when partners are so busy defending themselves and blaming their partners, they lose the chance to be kind to each other and to feel close. The opposite of blaming is taking responsibility for your own actions, and that is the hallmark of a mature and emotionally healthy relationship.” ― Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach

“有些情侣有一个很坏的习惯,本来是自己的错却会去责怪对方,无论是什么事。举个例子:‘你怎么让水龙头开着呢...’‘那是因为我洗手洗到一半你把我叫走了。’这个坏习惯真的有毒,当你总是忙着为自己开脱而去责怪你的另一半,你们便失去了善待对方、拉近彼此的机会。怪罪的反面是为自己的行为担起责任,这是成熟的标志,也是一段健康的感情所有的标志。”——Samantha Rodman,心理学家,约会导师

Bad habit No. 6: Mindlessly checking your phone

坏习惯6:总是看手机

“Nothing says disconnection more than two people gazing into their phones when they’re eating dinner together or snuggled up on the couch. ‘We’ time can be in short enough supply as it is. Make the time you spend together count.” ― Winifred Reilly

“两个人在一起吃晚餐或是依偎在一起,却各自看着各自的手机,还有什么能比这个更能离间彼此吗?两个人能在一起的时间是有限的,让这些时间更有价值一些吧。”——Winifred Reilly

Bad habit No. 7: Threatening to leave when the going gets tough

坏习惯7:遇到挫折便威胁说要离开

“When dating, some people threaten to leave the relationship when they’re losing a fight or wrestling with difficult issues. But once you’re on the road to marriage, you need to drop that tactic and view the problems as issues for ‘us’ to address. There are certainly exceptions (e.g., when abuse is the problem), but generally when you say you’re ready to commit to marriage, you are agreeing you’ll stick around through rough patches and not use bailing as a bargaining tool.” ― Ryan Howes

“谈恋爱的时候,当遇到争吵或面临困难时,一些人便威胁说要分手。但一旦你们打算结婚,这一招你就使不得了,你得把这些问题看作是需要‘我们’一起克服的。当然也有例外(比如说遭受虐待),但一般来说,当你准备好了走进婚姻,就说明你已经做好了攻克难关的准备,不能再用逃跑当做讨价还价的价码了。”——Ryan Howes

Bad habit No. 8: Grilling your partner about where they’ve been and with whom

坏习惯8:拷问你的伴侣去哪了跟谁去的

“If they want to share, they will. If you are suspicious, then something sordid is at stake, and trying to catch your partner in a contradiction, badgering them or asking questions like a prosecuting attorney will just make matters worse. You have to back off and try to have conversations that are truly engaged about what your partner may have done during any given day, and not seem as if you are trying to control his or her life like a parent. If you are really getting paranoid, then just be watchful ― but quizzing only makes your partner angry, defensive, perhaps insulted and maybe a better liar.” ― Pepper Schwartz

“如果他们想跟你说,会主动说的。如果你很怀疑,觉得他们背着你做了龌龊的事,想要抓住他们自相矛盾的情况,对他们纠缠不休,问问题像拷问犯人一样,这只会让事情变得更糟。你必须得缓和下来,跟对方好好谈,这才能让对方好好回答你在某天到底做了什么,而且你看起来不能像是ta的父母,好像要控制ta一般。如果你真的对此变得很偏执,那你就提高警惕——拷问对方只能让ta变得很愤怒、防御性加重、变得无礼,甚至会骗你。”——Pepper Schwartz

各位普特鹅觉得这些坏习惯杀伤力大不大?或许,你觉得在感情中还有哪些坏习惯是需要注意的?

快来留言分享啊。

往期回顾


跟着普特英语微信直播课程学趣味英语!

普特英语微信直播课程目前已开设12门课程,有面试英语、写作观点拓展课、不拘一哥背单词、两周打造完美发音......

会员可以免费收听所有课程

后期增加的课程也可以免费收听

加入会员免费学习更多课程

半年会员139元,一年会员169元

加入普特会员一起学习吧!

1.本站遵循行业规范,任何转载的稿件都会明确标注作者和来源;2.本站的原创文章,请转载时务必注明文章作者和来源,不尊重原创的行为我们将追究责任;3.作者投稿可能会经我们编辑修改或补充。

相关文章
网友点评
你感兴趣的